Sip and a drink and a feelin’ fine, we headed out of Denver with what may turn out to be the best thing we get out of the whole tour: an almost full bottle of Johnny Walker Gold Label courtesy Jennifer’s dad. Once on the road we powered through the rest of Colorado listening to some more Zodiac. Andrew suggested we send a series of Zodiac-esque ciphers to Portland area newspapers to “raise our profile.” This led to a discussion of other serial killer tactics we could incorporate into our repertoire (look out Oregonian!).

Once in Kansas Brenna occupied herself by yelling “look out the window…” every 4 or 5 minutes. Once heads were turned she’d finish her sentence with “…it’s exactly the same everywhere you look!” True, Brenna, true. We rolled into the bustling metropolis of Salina just after dusk. After passing several hotels suitable for prostitute murdering we descended upon downtown Salina. A quick tour of the streets of the city revealed one open restaurant, the venerable Martinnelli’s Little Italy. After an Italian fest (including Brenna’s favorite, a platter overflowing with spinach) we asked the proprietor to recommend a hotel. “Do you like to smoke crack?” he asked. Before we could answer he suggested the aforementioned hooker killing spots we saw by the freeway.

Thanks a lot Freak-o! Whilst exiting Martinelli’s Little Italy we
gazed in awe at their wall of fame. There’s an actor with some of the Martinellii’s waiters! There’s some sports guy and the bartender! And right in the center, none other than SIR RICHARD BRANSON and Freak-o himself. That’s a fake photo if I’ve ever seen one!

After checking in to the Holiday Inn Express (my personal favorite for their delicious snickerdoodle scented hand lotion) Andrew and I headed to the pool. While the thermometer on the natatorium wall read 120 degrees, there was no hygrometer in sight! If said hygrometer were present I am certain it would have read “8,000,000,000%”. We didn’t swim for long.

Back in the room we poured some cocktails. I phoned up our house/cat sitter Luke who said he’d call me back in a little while. 2 hours and roughly 16 g&t’s later Luke called back. What I mean to say was “How are my 2 little babies doing?” What came out was “Howrenbujwde, weoficnwemcviuwen,

Cattttttssssssssseeeee!?” Luke played along and told me they were fine. I hung up the phone and passed out. I awoke at 4 am to the sound of Jennifer laughing hysterically in her sleep. Unaware of my surroundings and still quite drunk, such a rousing elicited nothing short of pure terror. I gently cried myself back to
sleep.

—Peter

Links:
The Fast Computers

Photos courtesy of the band