What do you get when you mix a roomful of cellists with one MC? I have no freakin’ idea, but the Portland Cello Project is on a mission to find out. See, the grand collective of scattered Portland cellists (including borrowed folks from Bright Red Paper, The Ahs, Polly Panic, Horse Feathers and more) has been working on some hip-hop covers/arrangements because, you know, fucking with things is always fun. Already, at PCP sessions, they’ve been handling such wonders as Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It” and Britney’s “Toxic.” “‘Toxic’ sounds amazing,” says Douglas Jenkins of Bright Red Paper. “I think I’m going to shave my head on stage when we play that.”

They’re also working on arranging Outkast’s “Hey Ya” for strings, as well as 50 Cent’s “In Da Club.” The trouble with the last one is it doesn’t fly so well without the raps, and, says Jenkins, “none of us can rap. At all. Not even a little bit.” Awwwwww. I betcha someone could pull it off, but in any case, they’re looking for one special MC to perform with them on the 15th at Someday Lounge.

Here’s what Jenkins posted to the PDX-Pop mailing list this morning:

I’m announcing auditions for any hip-hop artist or group of artists (humorous, serious, real, imaginary, theatrical, experienced, inexperienced, whatever) who wants to perform 50 Cent’s In Da Club with a cello orchestra accompaniment at the next Portland Cello Project performance.

Some of us envision serious rappers, some of us envision pure humor, some theatrical things with back-up dancers and gats and grills… but whatever. We’ll just see what feels right at the auditions.

Tony Rogers is doing the arrangement – which will be an actual beat with an orchestra of 8 real cellos doing all the bass/melodic/string parts.

Auditions are this Saturday, April 7 from 2pm onward (in ten-minute intervals).

If this is you, hit up brightredpaper@gmail dot com for more info.

www.portlandcelloproject.com

Bald Brit photo-illustration courtesy of www.baldhalloffame.com