Holy crap! Not only did last week’s Band Name of the Week title-winner, Steaming Wolf Penis, reply to Local Cut, but we even got a better-late-than-never response from the previous week’s band, The Berg Sans Nipple. Woopie! Band Name of the Week is back, baby! Just to keep things orderly, let’s do these in chronological order, shall we?

The Berg Sans Nipple’s response:

Thanks for crowning our band with this most honorable title. Regarding our band name, we think mostly of a mountain searching for its own summit, with the idea that there is a nourishing geyser awaiting there. At the moment, we are instead finding nothing but miles and miles of rolling plains out the window of our luxury rental. How else to explain? Scrambling an anagram out of rusty letters passed a beautiful afternoon in a courtyard, as most Parisians do, drinking wine and trying to be smart.

And, now, Steaming Wolf Penis’ response (which is actually kind of mean, but also really funny):

YOU WANT US TO EXPLAIN OURSELVES, EH? WELL IT’S LIKE THIS. NONE OF US KNOW HOW TO PLAY OUR INSTRUMENTS, WE DRINK PAINT AND TRY TO FUCK INANIMATE OBJECTS AND FIRE, THINK JAI ALAI IS THE BEST SPORT EVER AND CAN ONLY COUNT TO FOUR. IF YOU CAN THINK OF A BETTER BAND NAME THAT SUMS UP THOSE VALUES THEN HAVE AT IT. WE’RE OPEN TO SUGGESTIONS> WE’RE ALSO NOT SCHEDULED TO PLAY PORTLAND AT ALL SO I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU CAME UP WITH THAT BUT HEY DO WHATCHA LIKE.

-JERKBEAST

PS - YOUR STUPID EMAIL DIDNT LIKE ME

To be fair, I send every recipient of the BNotW title a form letter, and it includes the line, “This honor is given to one band each week that is either from Portland or playing Portland in the near future.” Hence Steaming Wolf Penis’ confusion. If SWP’s members had read last week’s post, however, they would have realized that I was making a very special exception for them, as I was fed up with lazy responses and no-show bands. I had faith in Steaming Wolf Penis, and–as hoped for and expected–the band did not let me down.

Now, on to this week’s winner: The Sucks! I honestly know absolutely nothing about this band–except that it’s playing one of Slabtown’s free Sunday matinee shows on March 25. And, of course, that is has an awesome name! The Sucks seems like one of those great but kind of obvious band names that’s always existed, floating around in the back of our minds; perhaps it was just waiting for the right group of rockers to come along and own it. (There are at least two bands, by the way, with the name Your Band Sucks. Uh, clever.)

The Sucks also totally reminds me of a period of my youth when it became commonplace to say something “sucked.” Maybe it was just my family, but I recall my parents strongly disapproving of “sucks,” as if it were the next worst thing to a swear word. Of course, it eventually became the oh-so-popular saying it is today (and my brother and I grew up), so their efforts were futile.

Regardless, let’s hope good ol’ Slabtown can get me in touch with the totally un-Google-able band–which I’m guessing falls in the realm of punk or garage rock based solely on the venue and accompanying bands–so that BNotW can continue in style next week with some words from the Sucks.

The Sucks play Sunday, March 25, with the Bad Backs and the Last Regiment of Syncopated Drummers at Slabtown. 6 pm. Free. 21+.

Photo: compliments of a Google image search.